a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
