You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
