My first STD was from a foam party
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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