Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
