Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
