Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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