If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
