i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
