All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
