Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
