My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
