i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
