4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
