SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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