My liver just broke up with me...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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