shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
