Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just had sex bonerless
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
