I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
