I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
