Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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