have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
