Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
