i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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