just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
