I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
