how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
