Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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