My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
