I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
