i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
