He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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