By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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