Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
