I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
