And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
