Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
