Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
