I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
