just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
