At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
