Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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