The maid of honor just puked.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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