Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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