I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
