whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
BRING THE BAGELS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
