My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
