it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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