It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
