Just fell off a train. Bad.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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