she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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