i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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