i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
