worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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