U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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