OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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