Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
